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Oppositional Defiant: She's Only five years Old And They're Already Labeling Her

oppositional defiant child

2,040 miles from home

My son asked to go to a surf shop to find a hat while we were on vacation. As we strolled the quaint little shops along the avenue, I felt pulled into a tiny boutique that was not even close to looking like a surf shop.

My son  appeased me by allowing me to browse. I have become a little smitten by old Volkswagen Vans.

To me they are my lost childhood dream of an adventure across America.

As I picked up a wooden Volkswagen van plaque I heard the owner say, “Where you folks from?”

When my son replied, “Nashville,” the conversation began…it turns out that the owners best friend had recently moved to a tiny town called Hendersonville.

“Well sir, my son said, that is actually where we live.” And so the story started:

Each of us have a story that needs to be told. Everyone should take a little time out of their day to listen to a strangers story.

You never know the impact that you might have. In this case it would be the story of a grandchild.

They asked me what I did for a living and when I shared my vocation, my story and my heart, they shared their struggle.

“She is only five years old and they are already labeling her oppositional defiant.” I could see the pain in their eyes, and feel the concern in their hearts.

As the grandmother spoke openly, the pain was too much for the grandfather.

He walked away, only to listen from the sidelines, out of sight. The mom and the five year old have a constant struggle.

They offered details and I offered my professional opinion. Children are no there to make our lives miserable. They are here to teach us lessons.

I pointed to my son and said, “He and his brother have been my best teacher.”

I proceeded to explain that if there is struggle between a parent and a child, there are triggers that are being pulled and it is up to the parent to figure out what the trigger is and why it is being pulled.

Only then can we get to the root of the problem and find the solution. Labels don’t identify roots, they identify clusters of behaviors and sometimes symptoms.

The grandmother shook her head in agreement as I spoke. With tears welling in her eyes, she said, “You have been an answered prayer and a blessing today.

I needed to hear this. Thank you. I wish you lived here.” I explained that in todays world, distance does not mean anything. I am only one click away from a consultation on the internet.

I passed on my business card and offered to speak with her daughter. I left the store without a tangible purchase but with something far greater.

An opportunity to teach my son a lesson that I feel is invaluable. He was able to witness what it means to find a vocation verses a job.

He was able to observe compassion, empathy, authenticity, and the importance of listening and sharing your story. The art of human behavior and relationship. He was able  to watch a vocation on vacation.

1 Comment

  1. Chris on July 5, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    I am that grandmother. I will be calling you tomorrow. I still have tears in my eyes.